GOING BEYOND THE HORIZON 10/20/11

I was apprehensive enough knowing that my superior assigned me in a certain place where my heart was tattered a million times.  Refusing a favor is somewhat an insult. It took me awhile to build up the courage to say “yes”. Didn’t even have a plan to say no. I knew I couldn't go my whole life regretting for not letting myself conquer such fear, the fear of missing him again terribly.

And why is that so??

Surigao means so much to me. It is the calm place where I said goodbye and thank you one last time. Presently, the flame is still here but it isn’t enough to burn me properly. It’s indeed a supreme irony since we are not together for quite long time. My friends even laughed at me and often called me “OA” for being too stagnant. They just didn’t know I have died to figure a way for me to enjoy myself by quenching my thirst for some alcoholic beverages to momentarily forget everything, but it wasn't incredibly feasible.  It took me long to realize that I was being both young and stupid. Part of me still wanted him. But to be so close, yet so far away is something I don’t want to live with forever. I am glad I decided not to be with him, as that would have made things much harder when the truth came out. Perhaps I would have felt betrayed in that situation. Fooled might be a better word for it. Now, the race is fixed and changes have been made.

The final day that was looming. With my shades on, I managed to say “hello” to the place I used to hate, Surigao. “Dab dub dab dub” according to my heart. I was really worried. So many “what ifs” that bothered in my mind. What if with this isolation makes me feel sad? What if I will just cry over and over again reminiscing the past? What if being alone would mess up everything? What if loneliness affects my everyday life here in general? Blah blah blah…. heaven knows how emotional I am.  


But oh!  I never thought I can be this happy. There is something magical in this place that makes me feel alright. I am alone but not lonely as I have gadget to connect with my friends. Surigao is really an ideal place for vacation. I truly appreciate this place…so nice, organize and clean city next to Davao. Seems like all my thoughts before contradicts with what I’m feeling right now. All fears have been vanished. Tears have been dried I guess. hahahhahah...

Life is great but too short. It’s never too late to accept sudden changes in our lives. That’s  another life-is-not-always-a-bed-of-roses’ story of mine. Just realized that I miss all the happiness I could have had by not allowing myself to be free.


-=cioz=-

STILL WAITING

when will i see u again??

i can still remember my college microbio professor saying "everything in excess is dangerous." yes indeed! it is the same as saying that too much love will kill u. it is really true that love and heartaches are inseparable entities. you get hurt because you love. 

i was happy before having that someone in my life. we were happy. we dreamed together. we planned the future together. we laughed together. We had so many many good times together and it made me think that life is really great. he raised my hopes. I showed him the real me. And it was so good to be true. i thought my search was over. but when the expectations of my heart failed, the great charm of existence is at an end. and then i realize that the dream is absolutely the place of insanity. I am devastated and heartbroken. I miss him when he's gone. In fact I had lost count on how many times I had cried over it.

but still...

im waiting for his.........