ANOTHER STUPID DRAMA

           Sleep called me very late last night. I was texting with my guy friend (university-mate) residing here in Surigao. He asked me about the status of my love-life and so I said “I got zero”. He was amazed that I perfectly knew the answer the moment he asked me “how long have you been single?”  The hell drama went on… He offered himself that if I need someone to talk to, he’s available. I do not know what exactly happened why it made me cry. It was just a text and it surely meant nothing. Oddly, I long for a moment to sink into the arms of someone who would let me cry on their shoulder, which in fact, I usually do not allow myself to grieve over that damn thing. Again, there is no point in putting my pain on display. I know this emotion will bid goodbye soon. It’s all a matter of time before I can no longer keep it under control.

         I STILL HAVE THIS FAITH THAT SOMEDAY I WILL FIND SOMEONE. NOT BETTER, NOT AS REPLACEMENT. JUST SOMEONE SPECIAL ENOUGH. :-)

I AM WHO I AM

I am careless. I am tactless. I am bold. I am selfish. I am foolish. I am bad. I am crazy. I am noisy. I am numb. I am nonsense. I am stubborn. I am rebellious. I am an addict. I am judgmental. I am liberated. I am compulsive. I am weak. I am clumsy. I am incompetent. I am conceited. I am ignorant. I am childish. I am weird. I am rude. I am impolite. I am hypocrite. I am boastful. I am proud. I am inconsistent. I am flirt. I am aimless. I am cruel. I am a drunkard. I am desperate. I am  illiterate. I am deceitful. I am lazy. I am pessimistic. I am filthy. I am bullshit.

I am who I am. But let’s always bear in mind that even the thinnest sheet of paper has two sides to it. I admit, I am not perfect. I maybe a beautiful disaster at times…. but I still believe that I’m pretty good overall.

                                         

MISSING YOU LIKE HELL :-(

       MY DAYS ARE BLUE,

       MY SMILES ARE FEW,

       IT'S BECAUSE I MISS YOU.

          "I MISS YOU"- Who the hell initiated and popularized that line??? I've been gettin' used to it. But yet my heart is not immune with such after-effects. Is this what we called “karma”? But I have been doing the right thing all those times….I should get a good karma in return.  Why does doing what's right always hurt so much? Why do I still go running back to you? It's unfair. It's really not. 

         There are so many questions that linger in my mind this time. So many WHYS. (sigh!) March 26, 2011 that was the last time that we were together. Do you still remember those moments? It’s been over a year and yet it seems like yesterday. I’ve sacrificed my happiness and so I’ve let you go. This is the right thing to do. Yes! One nice quote I’ve read “You can’t move forward if you keep looking back.” Thus, I keep myself busy to death to forget those moments, but for every little thing I do, the ghost of you bothers me.

         Why is it that in every bit of happiness I feel, there is really something that reminds me of you? When I am about to ride a tricycle going to terminal during my last duty in that city, I saw your car passed. Months later, we were having a good time with my high school friends and then again your car passed in the middle of my laughter. I wonder if that was coincidence or it was really written to piss me off. 

         Somebody courted me this time. He’s damn serious about it. But I’m not yet ready to commit. I knew myself very well…and for sure if I’ll say yes, I might have the chance of comparing him to you. I wanna be fair. I know how it hurts. And it’s not in my line to use anyone just to forget you. I have been hurt and frustrated several times prior to our relationship, I know I can move on and time will heal! I still have this positive outlook.