I PLEAD GUILTY

Walking back and forth was the only thing I did last night until a sudden black out disrupted my deep deliberation about my mistake. It only worsened my feelings as it made me feel so sick and isolated from the world I used to have, crazy-funny world. I tried sharing it to my roommates to get some relief but it was a darn failure. I asked God for forgiveness and guidance months ago and granted my request. He led the way but to my stubbornness I was making my own way to calvary, not just once but several times. I am drowning with signs, warnings and advices to stay away from it. I somehow made it, but only for a short span of time.  In fact I was on the road to fix things up but boredom killed me and temptations teased me. I am only human and I am also weak that I could not afford to resist temptations. So I ended up making same mistake all over again. This is not me anymore. I used to be a good person way back then until someone played games with me that pressed my demonic side button to explode. Sadly, it did not only explode, it even ruled my life. I plead guilty! If only my guitar is here, I wouldn’t commit same mistake again. Now that I’m in a mess, who’s to blame? Boredom? Guitar? Or I am to blame for being too weak?

SHIT PIECE OF COINCIDENCE

I remember someone I used to know last dinner as I was mixing the spices and sauce (he was the one doing it for me given that he knew my taste.) Throughout the dinner I think about him unintentionally. I tried deflecting my thoughts to someone I am involved with recently but the old memory was so powerful and won the race to my hypothalamus. I wondered why the food tasted salty when I anticipated a sweet and sour taste. It took me some time to realize the presence of my tears that I tasted. I lost my appetite in eating even delicious foods were served. I turned away from the table, surprised by my inability to know how I felt for that matter. It was something I hadn’t been ready for.

I switched to eating oatmeal before going to bed. I snuggled up in bed early to avoid further heartaches when out of the blue our common friend called me. We talked almost 2 hours and in that 2 hours we talked about him, gladly that I made a triumphant exit for that topic. When the call ended around 10PM, I forced myself to sleep when again my boardmate played the song that reminds me of him. I covered my ears with pillows for me not to hear it. I played “payphone” using my cp and set the volume to maximum level. Again I made it. Then I switched my phone to FM station and listen to Dr. Jack. I became speechless when Dr. Jack’s caller divulged his 1^st name…..same name with the one who bothered my mind that time. Fate tested my strengths & I hate it. With those coincidences, insomnia rejoices its victory. I was having a hard time to sleep. I sneaked down to have some smoke hoping that it would somehow recover some of my composure.  But as I lit a stick of Philip morris, holy shit I remember the third party.  Kalokohan!!!

Just sharing! I cannot just dismiss such odd. Tsk tsk.